Yes we did! After two years of work, the election is over. And we won. I cannot believe it. I promise that I will be in DC on January 20, 2009.

I AM SO FUCKING HAPPY THAT BARACK OBAMA IS THE NEW PRESIDENT!

It's finally election day! In about ten minutes I am leaving campus with a car full of people to go home, vote, and then head to New Hampshire to do some final GOTV work. I love being so involved in the campaign. It makes today even more exciting.

Last night was our "Super Secret Dems Mission" where we essentially, in the words of Lauren Fink, "pillaged the campus." We put up signs, streamers, chalkings, posters, and lawn signs all over campus. It took a looong time, and we didn't finish until 1:15 am but it was totally worth it, especially when we saw one lonely McCain/Palin supporter chalking outside the Science Center at 1:00 am. Hah. Then, after getting to be around 1:45, I woke up at 6am to start election day activities! I met up with some of the other College Democrats at 6:30 to walk down to the Wellesley polling place and do visibility for Obama/Biden, Sarah Orozco, and John Kerry. Basically, we were those people standing on the street waving signs and shouting at cars. It was so fucking cold outside. My hands and feet were so numb. We were out from 7:00 to 9:00.

This afternoon I am stopping by Byfield to vote, and then we are going up to Manchester for some last minute GOTV stuff. Mainly, I think we will be canvassing, phonebanking, and driving people to the polls. Maybe we will also be doing some vis. Tonight is the CPLA election night party! That should be super fun. Booze and bipartisanship... what could be better?!

I cannot believe that the election is almost over! So much hard work from so many people has gone into this. I can't wait to see what happens... but I am super nervous.

Don't forget to vote!

Obama/Biden '08!
Yes we can!

So, today I got two rejection letters. One from Vassar and one from Bowdoin. It's pretty upsetting. This isn't giving me much hope for Bates, but you never know.

However, I have gotten into four schools thus far. USM, UMass- Amherst, MCLA, and Hartwick. Out of those, the only one I would consider going to is Hartwick. I don't know. The whole situation is pretty sucky. I really have no idea what's going to happen next year, and that's really scary.

I just received my first college acceptance letter! I got into the University of Southern Maine, and they gave me a $3500 a year scholarship. I cannot even begin to explain how relieved and excited I am. Out of the seniors that have applied to college, I was the last to get any sort of letter. I was beginning to worry. Oh my goodness! There was confetti in the envelope and I didn't even realize! How exciting is that?!

I haven't felt like myself in weeks. I feel really distant most of the time, sort of like I am not really part of whatever happens to be going on around me. All day long, at school, I want to cry. Pretty much constantly. I hate feeling this way, and I'm trying so hard to be happy, because I should be. There is no reason for me to feel like this. I have a wonderful boyfriend and family and a group of friends that I could turn to with anything. Tonight, for the second time in a week or so, Ray came over and I cried. For no apparent reason, I just started crying. I hate it. It's not fair for him, and I feel so guilty, but all that I really want is for someone to ask what's wrong. He's the only person that I can really be myself around. I feel like me when I am with him, and it is so good.

Basically, I'm pretty lame. And I essentially just wish that I was still on Lexapro, because it would make my life so much easier.

The absolute last thing that I want to do this evening is spend it in Boston with a bunch of kids from school that I can't stand, and not get home until midnight. This is going to be a loooong fucking day.

Fuck Peyton Manning.

How do you lose when you're ahead 21-3 at the half?!

WTF?!

I am so done with high school. The added stress of applying to college while trying to take finals and write my synthesis is more than I can handle right now. Plus, I cannot stand another day at Sparhawk. As good as the school has been for me, I constantly feel alone when I am there. I have lost every friend that I have made at Sparhawk, and now it is just me. And it's not that they have all left. Many have either graduated, or been kicked out, but not all. Some, I have just lost touch with even though I spend half of my day with them. I barely speak to anyone from Sparhawk outside of the school day, and I never see anyone from school on the weekends. And for the most part I have been content with that. But, it's hard not to have a support system every day. My greatest source of support comes from Raymond, and I barely see him during the school week. It's so hard for me, especially at this time of year, to spend day in and day out without anyone that I feel that I connect with. I just wish that I had a group of friends like I had during tenth grade. I could talk to Chelsea about absolutely anything, and when I see her now I can still talk to her about everything. And not just Chelsea. That entire group of people was so easy to talk to.

And I realize that I do have a group of friends like that. However, I don't see those friends nearly as often as I wish that I did. Which is partially my fault- or mostly my fault. As fortunate as I am to have those people, it's hard not to have them with me during the most stressful and difficult times, most of which occur at Sparhawk. I know that there are people at school that will listen to me, but I don't think that there is really a group of people that truly care. Next year, when we are all graduated, I am almost positive that I wont keep in contact with most of the people in my class, or in my entire school for that matter. Not because I don't like them, but because we aren't those kind of friends. We are the kind of friends that you spend time with when it's convenient. The kind of friends that you don't ever talk about anything important with, instead you spend your time joking around and goofing off. And, while we have a great time doing that most of the time, it's also so important to have people around you that you feel like you could talk with about anything. And I really don't have that.

I have a pretty new layout <3


PS. I need new icons. Anyone got any good icon communities? Or have some sweet icons that they want to share?

All I want is some us time. Just you and me. Away from the rest of the world for a little while. It has been far too long, and it looks like we will have to wait even longer.